Sucking the Joy?

I have just finished reading Gary Kasparov's `Why Life is like Chess' which I am sure will inspire many posts, but that is not the point of this post. One of the things he said was that he believes success is a result of four factors... talent, knowledge, experience and self awareness. The first three are often spoken about but the last one less so.

I often blog about the `Feedback Loop' and my belief in the importance of someone helping you crit yourself. My brother questioned how to choose this person... which obviously is tough. But, I think your most important feedback loop is yourself... the self awareness that Kasparov talks about.

One of my Feedback loops or challengers is Stuart. He has had a fair amount of success in getting me to change some of my more stubborn beliefs and I applaud this BUT one of the stumbling blocks I am going to have to overcome is an onsetting fear of `factual depression'.

Before anyone panics (my thousands of readers hmmm), my personal philosophy doesn't really let me get depressed anymore so I am a pretty happy camper no matter what set backs come my way.

But what I mean... is sometimes accepting certain facts and truths can take away joys (and pain) that make life interesting.

Take Stuarts new found disloyalty to sport's teams. So now he supports `attractive football', not one particular team. Blah blah blah. I watch rugby when the Sharks play and when South Africa plays... I even watched SA play the Netball World Cup final in 1995... not because I am a netball fan but because I am a passionate SA sports fan. Take that illogical fanaticism away and I wouldn't have watched. I seldom watch neutral rugby games and struggle to get into football by `deciding' what team to support. If there was suddenly a SA team in the premiership... maybe it would be easier.

So what's my point... I like my lack of rationalle in sports. I like not being logical sometimes. It is why I love painting abstract paintings and enjoy conversations with Phil Southey... not logic is required.

Today as I walked down the street in Hamilton outside of the cool airconditioned offices to buy a very tasty Chicken Salad Baguette to eat in the local park, I was struck by the implications of not finding the answer I want in my vegetarian debate. Those who have followed it will notice I have tried (successfully or not) to remain relatively objective. The practical implications of not eating any commercially produced meat that is not `cruelty free' is not an appealing one. Veal was easy to give up because it is hardly on any South African menus. It is very common here in Bermuda. But I am ok... because I have trusty chicken. Now I am faced with the not so pleasant possibility of not being allowed one of my favourite things.

And that sucks. More so than the other `much more significant' things I have changed my mind about in the last few years. In fact some of those things had benefits.

I always thought of Stuart as a liberal. He is not. He is in fact one of the most strong back boned hardened believers in what he has fought to understand and very far from a tree hugging hippy.

A `let it be'/`accepting' attitude doesn't actually seem consistent with the attempt to seek the truth. It seems seeking the truth actually requires tougher questions than even the traditionally tough religious requirements.

Hmmmm.... I like the idea of being a crazy all accepting hippie with long hair running crazzily through the forrest wearing nothing but the moonlight.

Applying logic to everything seems dangerous. (but unavoidable?)

P.S. I am not conceding the debate or any points yet in this post stuart, I just felt obliged to let you in on the impending sense of doom I am feeling